We've been given a wonderful chance to be the parent's of two very happy and healthy children. Our daughter just turned two in June and our son hit eighteen months a couple of weeks ago. I think that things like the eighteen month mark are special because of the amount of development that you see in that relatively short amount of time. Things change substantially in the first weeks and months and they only progress from their.
When I was born my mother received a big baby shower, though, I guess since I was already here by that time it was more a sip and see style (did they call them that back then?) instead of a full shower. Her sister made a cake and aunt's brought food and drinks and I was passed from one set of waiting arms to the next. Of course I don't remember any of it. Though I do have photos to back up the stories which really lets me visualize the whole thing as if I was remembering it myself.
Many of the women that were there played a role in my early childhood development. While some of them have passed on, I still visit many of them on a regular basis.
And I have been really lucky to have some of them take a role in my children's lives.
Having family, friends and community is one of the things that I think make a "happy and healthy" childhood possible.
No man is an island, entire of itself; every man is a piece of the continent, a part of the main; if a clod be washed away by the sea, Europe is the less...any man's death diminishes me, because I am involved in mankind...
But those words are just as valid today as they were then. In some ways I think that we have forgotten them, allowed ourselves to become isolated and distracted by our modern world. And in so doing have lost touch with community.
When I had my first child, only the very closest people, the ones that knew us from childhood made us a meal. When I was growing up, my mother, made every one that needed it a meal. We would use those throw away casserole dishes that you could buy and make them something. Something hot, filling, and tasty. They could take it out and bake it when they needed it and then since they didn't have to wash the dish leave it at that.
But it went both ways.
We also got food from neighbors, friends and even strangers in the community when they learned of a passing, or the birth of a child. (I am the oldest of four children. I was thirteen when my kid sister was born.)
It was all made possible by the sense of community. I see this as a sort of glue that holds us together, but it is one that is only so strong as those who realize that it is there.
In many ways our community has grown exponentially. It goes out over the borders of our town, state, and even for some our country. But through this stretching it has been diluted, that, in many ways it has lost much of its meaning.
The Family Baby Shower
That is why when my brother told me that he and his wife would be having a child this year I needed to make use of the values that I was given growing up and organize a celebration for them. And use it as a way to bring the family together.
To include people that make up the fabric of our lives and give us all a chance to maybe regain some of what has gone missing. That innocence that has been crushed over time.
A lot of this may sound old fashioned. And to a certain degree you would be right in that assumption.
It is old fashioned.
But let me ask you ... does that make it any less important?
Does a baby shower somehow loose in importance when it doesn't seem like "the modern" thing to do anymore?
For me and most everyone that I hold dear, the answer is most certainly no.
Baby showers are a as modern or as old fashioned as you want to make them. I think that that really goes for just about anything you do. For example, when my mother used the disposable casserole dishes, she took an old idea and improved it with a modern convenience.
Since we are having a "family" (of course there will be friends their as well) baby shower this in itself is a modern occurrence.
Breaking the Taboo
I don't know if you are aware of the different taboos that surround baby shower but I will assume that you don't.
Showers in general have been historically speaking very strict when it came to the whos and hows aspect of the celebration. I bring all of this up, because up until modern times it would have been unthinkable for me to go ahead and plan a baby shower for my sister-in-law. It would have been an affront to people's good tastes. That is why my aunts threw my mother a sip and see rather than an "official" baby shower. They avoided offending people by making it something else. And since my mother's pregnancy wasn't the easiest thing in the world for her (the other three were better) she was more than happy not to have to deal with these sorts of problems at that time.
We have contemplated the possibility of having a similar style, a sip and see (here is an article on parenting.com that explains it better than I do), since we feel that we have some extra breathing room. At seven months things have gotten a little tight (pun intended) and everyone involved in the planning (which is a surprisingly large group) has mentioned the possibility of pushing it back. But that is besides the point.
Another baby shower, let's call them rules that we would be going against is making the whole thing open for both men and women.
The idea of excluding men for the baby shower is one of those things that I find personally frustrating. When people talk about "old fashioned" that is really what comes up in my mind. A man's duty as a father doesn't end once the child is conceived, his job is only then just beginning. By segregating and making rules about and having a woman's only celebration we are essentially strengthening something that should have never been their in the first place.
This is another reason why we have been open to alternatives to the standard shower.
But there are plenty of options out there. And we are thrilled to have the chance to find the one that best suites everybody and their busy schedules (one reason we haven't finalized our plans and sent the invitations out yet).
So far we are left deciding between:
- Couples baby shower
- This is pretty much what I have been saying the whole time. It is essentially a baby shower but everyone is invited and the festivities are more like a big party.
- I think that this is really just a variation on the couples or coed theme but with a tacky name. A name which I really don't like, but as you can estimate it is themed around a BBQ so the food would be easy, and a hit.
- We have been going in this direction for some time, but there are a couple of factors that make it one of the easiest for us to organize.
I am fine with any of them really. No matter which one we pick it will be perfect, however clichéd that might sound to you.
Since we are still undecided I have held back on the invitations. I had originally wanted to make all of the invites for the shower myself. I have had a craving for a paper project lately and I felt like it would have allowed me to get it out of my system. But the longer we wait the less realistic I think that will be.
My little sister was looking around online and found these along with a number of different options that we can use. Either we will pay somebody to make them, but for the price I would rather do it myself, or we can have a printer print them for us.
But before we can order the invitations we will need to decide on the style of baby shower we're going to be having.
Maybe you can see the problems we've been having, lol.
We have been laughing a lot during the process, which was the entire point. It has brought us closer and we have been able to strengthen the bonds of our family. And that is, the whole point isn't it?
Edit: We have decided to make it a sip and see shower since it will be close to the holidays and everybody will have a little more free time then.